It’s the month of Love and the mood has been an absolutely awesome one for many, however there are a few that wish they shared that memorable moment with someone other than their dates. Its not new, strange and you might not just be alone.
Previously in the week, there has been a few questions that i have had to answer and deal with, some are logical, others are just straight out insane but the beautiful part of life comes from asking questions.
I was at a coffee bar with a friend i hold in high regard and a few questions came from just the thought of how wonderful business and Life would be with this person. This then led me to investigate how many men and women are looking to find that missing piece of a perfect relationship.
So you get the perfect or close to great lover of your life and things start up on a great note, then after a few years the motivation dies and everything just gets cold and slow. Then you stumble upon an individual that re-ignites the passion and makes you feel alive again, you are willing to give it your all to find your life back. Let’s say your partner is everything but she does not share the same dream with you and here comes someone who has the same passion, love and dreams with you.
You know this one. You’re head over heels for this someone but they are either happy in a relationship or not intrested in dating. Or perhaps you’re madly in love with a friend or acquaintance who is, for one reason or another, completely unattainable. I’d like to believe this only happens in movies but unfortunately our minds are powerful, powerful tools; if we want something bad enough, we don’t need much to go on in order to believe someone is within reach. Not only do we hold on to the hope that somehow the “love” will happen or be rekindled, but we’re willing to wait around forever because we simply refuse to believe that such passion could be so short lived. When you started dating, you could have sworn up and down that no one had ever experienced the type of connection the two of you had. You ignore all signs that are telling you it’s over and, despite the overwhelming pain and nights spent crying, the smallest part of you holds on for dear life.
This one is perhaps one of the most relatable: you gather up the balls to express your undying devotion—or mere attraction—to this person only to get rejected with the standard, “Oh you’re sweet…, but you’re not really my type.” Or the worse, “But we’re such good friends, I couldn’t.” What sets you apart from the rest of the world is that you don’t just walk away in defeat and go for your next potential obsession; you wallow in misery and refuse to accept rejection.
Love is a clusterfuck of complexities. If you leave yourself in a situation of comparisim and a whole lot of thinking, you might end up living a more painful and miserable life than you though you had. Many of the victims of this situation are men, as men are not usually free to talk about their unhappiness, worries and problem due to the status acclaimed to being a male. You have to be strong , unbreakable and tough. So, what do you do when you are in a relationship that drains you and makes you feel like you loosing out on a perfect life ? Do you wait for things to get better ? pursue your desires outside love ? Leave everything and just venture into the world and Live ? these are the question a lot of men and women cannot ask anyone and allow to breed a lot of pain and emotional scars.
Honestly and from a selfish point of view, there is nothing as sad as a dying relationship and fixing it is even worse than living with the misery for as long as it takes. So here are just a few things you must know to help establish a true meaning of love life and live a good and fulfiled life :
Trust breeds Love
One of the worst thing any lover in a difficult love issue can do is to find a confidant that is the opposite sex, if you want a happy relationship and want to last in any relationship, this is a No No. Many at times we find comfort with the opposite sex (there is nothing wrong with that , it is intune with the order of things in this world) and tend to discuss issues and problems with them. Discussing the issue is not the problem but trusting them is the issue. Over time, people who share their life issues with a particular friend tend to build a trust relationship and trust always breeds love and the end of a Love that is not built on mutual interest but circumstances are toxic. ” It always ends with someone being hurt”
Love is overratted
We all have problems and issues, the world is a roller coaster and sometimes it even feels like everyone is moving and we stuck with negativity, loneliness, sadness and nothing is as perfect as we dreamed. So, this one person comes along and makes life worth while. That is the story we heard for years but the truth is nobody can change the state of things except you. The feeling was a boost you needed to get back up and make things happen. So when you tie your state of mind to love, you are bent to swingle, as love is a conditional factor.
Connect with Life, not Love
I have always said connect with love and Life will find you but i realised recently that you connect with Life and love will find you. Come to think about how many lovers we have changed but we still have the same life : yours. So if we find life through love, everytime a lover goes, we have to recreate a new life. So it is the greatest thing to find a way to live with yourself with or without a lover. In doing so, you will not base your Life happiness on any soul and you will be in control of your moods and your life.
Learning to deal with imperfection
Lastly, some of us have had to deal with heartbreaks, betrayal and we managed to still be us, however the scares are all not gone and some serves as a reminder that holds us back from enjoying life as ordinary as it ought to be. So we might never find that person that completes the puzzle of Love as we want it to be but we should be happy with the fact that we are not perfect as humans and living with our differences is what makes life an experience.
Remmenber, everyone around the world is falling in and out of love. You can fall asleep to the sounds of Armageddon and wake up to a beautiful sunny morning with rays of hope shining through your window. At some point, your heart will scream for recovery and you’ll have to listen. Life is a process and you’ll never move on to the next step if you’re stuck trying to make sense of the previous one.
So, if she cannot cook, lets try get her to learn, if she is bad in bed, try initiating something new , if she is not involved in your dreams, get a partner, if he is lazy , you start something, if he is dirty, wash him and lastly if he/she is not all you want, learn to be all you love for yourself and that way you will always be able to Love Life.