Good men, like great sex and comfortable heels, can be almost impossible to find. In the bustling metropolis known as Tshwane, women are plagued with the classic case of quantity over quality, where there’s a plethora of men at their fingertips and none worthy of gripping onto.
By the first sentence, text or Instagram post, we usually know exactly what he’s like, and the odds that he’s a charming, nice sweet guy are slim to none.
We wait for the inevitable moment when his true colors are shown, his motives revealed and that nice guy exterior sheds to nothing more than the raw skin and bones of a true assh*le.
Like prey in the wild, we’ve learned to adapt to our surroundings and protect ourselves against the attack of assh*les, douchebags and playboys. We’ve learned to read the signs, mark the places to avoid and pick up on the traps that are carefully deployed and once so naively walked upon.
We know how to spot danger from a simple whiff of cologne and read through pickup lines like a dog hunting a scent. We are stronger than ever before and we will not be tricked again.
However, like an animal that’s been abused for too long, we have a hard time trusting when someone good does come along. We are quick to bite any hand that tries to touch us and run away at the slightest movement. We are scarred and bruised, depleted of our energy and all faith in humanity.
We are guarded, usually to point that we will tear apart anything that comes remotely close. While this evolutionary defense mechanism will help keep us safe from all those assh*les and womanizers out there, they are also keeping us away from the good ones.
The ones who aren’t there to hurt us, but to show us the love and appreciation we so yearn for. They are there to be our equals, our partners and, for the romantics out there, our Prince Charmings.
We have a hard time spotting the good because we’re always looking for the bad. We’re so quick to classify, quantify and categorize a man under one stigmatized label that we don’t give him a chance to prove himself outside of the group.
But if you’ve stumbled across a good guy, you’ve found more than just a man. You’ve found a gentleman. You’ve found those perfect heels, that mind-blowing sex and just about everything else you’ve been looking for.
So for all the women who are seeing, dating or thinking about a man, this would be in the bracket of all new relationships, here are the telltale signs he really is a good guy and not just an assh*le in hiding.
He Asks The Questions, Never Just Answers Them
A good guy wants to get to know all of you, not just inside of you. He asks question about ” mang mang , njani” , He doesn’t ask contrived questions, ones that he knows will get you feeling comfortable enough to sleep with him, but those questions that are generated from real conversation.
He probes and ponders, interrogates and asks for more. And, of course, the sign you’ve got a really good guy is when he remembers your answers two dates later. This point is more noteable with new relationships.
He Says Your Name, Doesn’t Only Moan It
Using someone’s first name is a rarity in today’s hook-up culture, as we’ve usually forgotten it by second introduction. Listen to how a guy says your name and you’ll know he’s not just going to ask you to remind him of it in the morning.
In a world where we refer to each other as “dude,” “man” or the multitude of pet names men have come up with for women, your first name is the hottest thing he can call you.
He Opens Doors, Never Closes Them
In the metaphorical and literal world of doors, a good guy is always opening them for you. Whether it’s the openings to his life or to the restaurant you went to for dinner, he’s always extending a hand.
He doesn’t close himself off when things are getting too personal or start moving too quickly. He’s open to more than just the sliding doors of first dates and the bedroom doors of one-night stands.
He Asks About Your Family, Doesn’t Hide His
Men scare as easily as women. They are quick to jump ship and have many idiosyncrasies that come with the dating territory. The first mention of family, relationship or monogamy has the potential to send him back through all those doors he just opened for you.
A good guy, however, doesn’t shake so easily. A good guy wants to be with you, he wants to know your flaws and your family. Most importantly, he doesn’t hide important parts of his life from you.
He Keeps You On Your Toes, Never On Your Back
A good guy should excite you as much as you excite him. He should push you, challenge you and, most importantly, keep you on your toes. Because there’s nothing better than a man who knows how to take your sh*t and throw it right back at you. Of course, he’s always there to clean up the mess when it’s gone a little too far.
He Knows Fine Doesn’t Mean Fine, Even If It’s Easier To Believe
A good guy doesn’t try to get out of a fight with simple tricks and wordplay. He doesn’t ignore your aches and pains, but picks up on the small signs and coverups and knows that something isn’t right. He knows that fine doesn’t mean fine and will always try and see through your sometimes horrible displays of “being okay.”
He Doesn’t Make Himself Your Whole World, Just Makes Your Whole World Better
It’s easy to want to make your life into someone else’s. It’s even easier to take someone out of her life and into yours. A good guy respects the life you had before him and doesn’t try and take you from it.
He isn’t intimidated by your career, friends or weird hobbies, but celebrates them. He’s the best thing to come into your world, even if he’ll never be the center of it.