Submissive or Subservient

“A shrinking violet avoiding upsetting others either because they fear them or they don’t to hurt their feelings” that just about sums up what being submissive means, but why do people always confuse that with being subservient? Ask any man what they expect of a lady and I’m sure 92% of them will give you an answer that basically leads up to them saying they would like a lady who’s obedient and humble. Nothing wrong with that but if you further ask them to explain you’ll understand that what they really want is a lady that does as she’s told and doesn’t ask questions. Is that what being submissive is really about and who decided that the act is only meant for women? I believe respecting, honouring and listening to each other should come from you as a person and it should be done out of love and let me just point out that it should be a mutual thing.

In a time where women work just as hard as men to support households and very often bills are split, is being submissive still relevant? I mean most guys will tell you that women are supposed to be submissive, it’s something that should come naturally because tradition and culture dictates such. But what happens in an instance where the woman makes more money than the man? Must she now still take orders from him and bow down to a man who makes her feel like her only duty as a woman is to cook, birth, do domestic duties and still smile at him despite his what i would call chauvinistic behaviour? Yes there are some men out there who treat women like gems and don’t use the woman as a doormat because like one of the guys I asked about this said, “being submissive does not mean being a doormat, I know some guys like to use it when they want a woman to be a doormat.” Another guy said being submissive to them meant going along with whatever is put to you without raising your opinion even if you don’t agree with the person. It’s basically compromising your freedom of expression.” That to me sounded so much like being subservient which so many people confuse with being submissive. I mean how does one humble themselves in being obedient and in turn you need to not have an opinion? Can someone say subservient?!

The more I asked people about submissiveness, the more I realised that no one really understood what it meant. One lady said not bothering your man with the nitigrities of his life, not questioning his motives and basically just obeying his rules was what being submissive meant to her. Someone else it was making sure you serve your partner reverently and making sure that they’re happy so you in turn can be happy. How does letting someone be controlling and domineering guarantee that you’ll be happy? Why must things be done because we are born into them and not meant to question them? ¬¬ I remember being at a braai and i happened to be one of four ladies, we were sitting around laughing and having a random conversation when one of the guys who was there stood up and said “the meat is ready, the ladies can serve us now”.

I was dumbstruck. Could he not have found better wording or at least shown some respect? See for me that’s where the problem lies, when guys grow up and they think because this is how they grew up, every woman will be at their beck and call in terms of doing stuff for them. Why does this have to be forced upon us? Why can’t lines be drawn and the manner in which everything is done be more dignified? There’s nothing respectful about submissiveness especially the way it’s done in modern age. It reminds me of a meme I saw where this lady is asked if she can cook and she in turn asks the guy if he can build a house, I mean if you expect a woman to know how to do some “womanly” duties, it’s only fair that at least back your own up as a man.
How nice would it be if men and women alike treated each other the way they’d like to be treated and we left this whole servant and master idea out of our lives. If we allowed people to be themselves despite the fact that one has more testosterone than the other and we weighed one’s love on the way they treat us and not how well they take instructions.
\- Submissive or Subservient-\

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