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It’s okay to be too busy

Metrosmag,SA

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After rescheduling three times due to unforeseen work travel, I recently made plans to get together with a long-time internet friend in Washington, DC.

“Hey!” I DMed him, “any chance you would want to meet me for a drink somewhere by Union Station around 7pm after work on Tuesday? I have an 8:30pm train but we could hang for an hour before.” He replied, “sure!” We met up, I sipped a seltzer, we had a great time chatting and by 8:15pm I was in line to board my train.

There was a time, earlier in my 20s, when I would have felt bad about this. And according to a recent article in The Wall Street Journal, I still should. Abiding by the advice in the article, I should have pushed my train later, exhausting myself and sacrificing sleep before a long flight the next day so that my friend knew he was prioritized.

The article suggests that “busyness” is a choice or a brag, and that those who set hard restrictions on their time are rude and inconsiderate.

This is bullshit. Anyone who thinks this way should be cut out of your schedule immediately. There is nothing worse than a “friend” who thinks they are entitled to your time.

Me making plans with someone I really want to see

Earlier in my 20s, I surrounded myself with people like this. I bent and caved to other people’s whims and schedules.

A friend was feeling sad? It didn’t matter if I had an early meeting, I’d drink with them until 3am. Someone else was feeling bored and lazy after a breakup? I’d cancel yoga and spend all day cheering them up and watching Netflix. If a friend wanted to hang out with me, I would make time. If an acquaintance was in town and wanted someone to show them the city, I was there. If some random person online liked my tweets and wanted to meet up in person, I cleared my schedule.

For years I sacrificed my own mental and physical well being in service of other people’s needs. I gave everything I had to every friendship and it was never enough. There were always more birthday parties, readings, dinners, drinks, housewarmings to attend. There was always someone who wanted my time or felt like hanging out or catching up and I had no ability to say no.

One day, I woke up hungover and exhausted. I texted another friend who I hadn’t seen in a while to meet me for brunch. “I’d love to, but I’m actually going for a run then gonna chill. I’m free the Saturday after next if you want to meet at 10:30am at XX before I run errands at 1:00pm though.”

I remember taking a screen-shot of the text and thinking, “You can do that?!” It was freeing.

Ever since then my view on friendship has changed. I realized that my time is just as valuable as anyone else’s. You cannot give everyone who wants your time full reign of your schedule or you will never have time for yourself. I repeat: never.

Me, stressed out and trying to escape it all

My schedule now is planned out weeks in advance. I have a much smaller group of close friends who I will still drop almost anything for if there’s a crisis, but I realize that with the right kind of friends those “crises” are few and far between. I am almost always free for a heart-to-heart phone call but, for me, busyness is a means of self-protection.

The notion that saying you’re busy is some type of bragging is ridiculous. The idea that anyone who is “busy” is simply horrible at time management or they’d have endless hours to dedicate to any friend or acquaintance who comes calling is also insane.

When most people say they’re “busy” they mean that they’re busy, as in, they have other plans. It’s not up to you to deem which plans are more important.

This doesn’t mean I value any of my friends any less. I just know that if I don’t protect myself and my own time, I won’t be able to handle my own problems, much less be there for anyone else.

Make new friends, but protect your time. In ideal world we’d all spend our days “gabbing over cocktails at a new Vietnamese restaurant,” but good friendships, like all relationships, require good boundaries.

I guard my time specifically because I want to be able to be there for friends when it’s most important. I want to have extra time in my week baked in so I can be spontaneous and maybe do an unplanned meet up. I never want to go back to those frazzled years when I was spread so thin I couldn’t be a true friend to anyone.

The next time a friend invites you to dinner with a hard stop at 8pm or sends you a meeting planner for a scheduled hangout two months from now, don’t take it personally. They’re probably just busy, and that’s okay.

Metrosmag,sa ( inspired by Mzansi Lifestyle ) Mzansi is rich in Lifestyle, a nation diverse in race and culture. Mzansi Magazine explores the rich heritage , versitile culture and the celebrations of Life in Mzansi. Metros Magazine, SA is South Africa's informative Metropolitan lifestlye magazine with all the fresh and important news in Mzansi.

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Art

Dawn of the Arts at the Durban Fashion Fair 2017!

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For four days, the Durban ICC and surrounds will be transformed into a fashion extravaganza as some of the city’s hottest designers celebrate the reawakening of the creative industry and the realization of the arts as a lucrative business opportunity.

Tickets to the various showings by both local fashion talents and invited designers from throughout the African continent will go on sale from today.

Themed the Dawn of the Arts, the Durban Fashion Fair 2017 presented by the eThekwini Municipality will be spread over three days – from August 23rd to 25th and wrapping up with the Recognition awards on Aug 26th.

Showcasing on Wednesday, August 23rd at 18.00pm will be Azola Tanzi (Azee Tanzi), Martin John Steenkamp (Martin John), Narcissi Madisha (Kameo Kids), Ceri Williams (Evaelathil Designs) and Zimbili Shezi (ZimbyLees Apparel). They will be followed by the 2017 Mentorship Programme designers: Athenkosi Mfungula; Bongekile Sondezi; Casey Hutchinson; Cheryl Jafta; Claudia Novuka; Leona Pillay; Nishthi Sewnath; Nivadni Sewnath; Ntokozo Buthelezi and Wanda Majubana at 19.30pm with invited designers Eulender Cele & Samuel Mosala (Eullue), Thokozani Mbatha (Black Pepper) and Sandile Duke Mngadi (Duke “Clothe Your Soul”) taking to the ramp at 20.30pm.

Our invited African designers for the evening will be Clement Effanga (Clemas Couture), SidumisoTshuma (Shadow by Sidumiso) and Yolanda Ngwenya (Bakhar) at 21.30. The evening will culminate in a Markham retail collection showing at 22.30pm.

On Thursday, August 24th, the DFF will begin slightly earlier with emerging designers Kwenzi Nkomo (Indoni Fashion House), Treasure Cindi and Melinda Corrine (Noice) exhibiting their collections from 17.30pm. Next on the ramp will be Muzi Innocent Mlambo (Mita-N Dzyns), Zama Gumede (ZAVIAR Fashions) and Eli Ball (Eli Ball Made in Africa) at 18.30pm.

Invited designers Quiteria Lebohang Kekana and George Malelu (Quiteria and George) and Amanda Laird Cherry will showcase their creations at 19.30pm. African invited designers Charity Nyirongo (Mo’ Creations & Couture), Rodrigue Tchatcho (Rodrig Couture) and Samuel Owusu (Quame Owusu) will be up next at 20.30pm.

Invited Designer Sandile Mlambo (House of Alfalfa) will host his show, off site, at 82 Hunter Street (behind the ICC) at 21:30pm.

During the day on Friday, August 25th between 9.30am and 12 noon within Hall 5 at the ICC, there will be a panel discussion taking place whereby leading industry players within the fashion related industry will discuss various topics relating to the “Business of Fashion” – the panellists include: Linda Makanya (Creative Director & Head Designer for Linda Makhanya Tailored Suits); Paledi Segapo (Founder & Creative Director – PALSE); Noёl Paulson (General Manager Quality Assurance – EDCON); Lukas Nangolo (Junior Brand Manager – Markham); Masana Chikeka (Programme Manager: Design – Dept of Arts and Culture) and Drum Fashion editor, Peta-Lee Matjaola. It is free admission to attend the panel discussion! The facilitator for the discussion is Top Billing presenter Ayanda Thabethe.

After the discussion, it is back to the business of the fashion shows on Friday, August 25th, with invited designers Kireshen Chetty, Brenda Quin (Diva Designs) and Jacqui Emmanuel who will be dazzling the Durban audiences at 17.30pm. Vanessa Pillay (Hombre`), Mxolisi Luke Mkhize (House of Saint Luke) and emerging designer, Musawenkosi Sebeko (Afro Amanno) will follow at 18.30pm.

Invited designers Karen Monk-Klijnstra and Zama Mathe (Zarth) will wow our audience at 19.30pm and Paledi Segapo (PALSE) at 20.30pm. To wrap up the evening at 21.30pm, Kathrin Kidger and Terrence Bray will show what has made them household names in the Durban Fashion industry for decades.

The highlight of the Durban Fashion Fair 2017 will be the DFF Recognition Awards on Saturday, August 26. Starting at 7pm and hosted by Gagagsi FM on air personality Collen Zondo together with TV personality and Top Billing presenter, Ayanda Thabethe.

This fashion forward evening will feature live entertainment by Aewon Wolf, DJ Siyanda and a “downsized” version of the SAMA award-winning instrumental pop group, the Sterling EQ Duo (consisting of electric violin and cello, electric violin and flute, or electric cello and flute)

The DFF Recognition Awards will recognise the Durban Fashion Legend of the year, the Best Ladies’ Wear Collection, the Best Menswear Collection, the Next Generation/ Emerging Durban Designer of the year, the Fashion Innovator and the Collection of the Week. Three rising stars – our top three 2017 mentees – will also be identified.

Guests can also look forward to the presentation of the Fashion Business Award, the DFF New Face Award, the Best African Designer Collection Award and, last but not least, the Durban Designer of the Year Award.

Tickets are R100 per person per show with students (with a valid student card) paying R50 per show. There will be a 3 night show pass at R225 or the 5 night show pass at R350 a person. The DFF Recognition Awards show tickets are R250 per person.

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Lifestyle

Give your dad the best gift on Father’s Day

Metrosmag,SA

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With Father’s Day fast approaching, sourcing the most suitable gift is top of mind.

But we overlook that the most valuable gift one can offer their father is their presence.

For several dads, living in old age homes, Father’s Day has lost its significance as they long for a call or visit from their children.

The Association for the Aged (Tafta) invites you to share your “presence” this Father’s Day, especially to those whom need it the most. It’s about opening our arms and hearts to our elders.

“For our residents, love is a place of safety, a warm bed, good food, a hug and a kiss when they are tired or sad. This is how we view love at Tafta,” says CEO Femada Shamam.

In Tafta’s commitment to providing comfort and support to the elders of our province, we open our arms and hearts with love and compassion.

“Our work at Tafta imparts a clear message of love, which gives every resident a feeling of belonging and contentment,” added Shamam, who stressed that the best gift we can give to our seniors is the gift of our time.

“Whenever guests drop by, regardless of what they are doing, our residents’ faces always light up at the sign of a visitor,” she said.

Spending an hour to have lunch with an elder brings joy, pleasure and a sense of pride. It breaks the monotony of the daily routine and reassures them that they are cherished and valued.

This Father’s Day listen to your dad tell his stories if he is able. If not, help him out by supplying the words or using other gestures to express your appreciation. However you plan to celebrate, take the initiative to make this Father’s Day rewarding for you both. The gifts of caring will most certainly provide you with memories that you will cherish for a lifetime.

While love is limitless, Tafta’s finances are far from limitless.

Tafta appeals to you at this time for a gift that will show your infinite love for our fathers, grandfathers and even great grandfathers. A gift that will help us help them, Your support is what makes our work possible.

You can also share the LOVE by SMSing “Donate” to 40555, SMS charged at R20.00, free SMSes do not apply.

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Lifestyle

What would happen if you didn’t shower for a year?

Metrosmag,SA

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We all know a person whose boasted about the length of time they’ve abstained from showering or bathing.

It’s either an odd point of pride or a self-deprecating knock on their personal hygiene.

Either way, if they kept it up — say, for an entire year — they’d smell awful, would run the risk of infection and could be covered in acne and bumps.

Keeping it au naturel for that long is, besides a slow way to alienate yourself, not recommended, advises Dr. Cameron Rokhsar, an associate clinical professor of dermatology at Mt. Sinai Medical Center in New York.

Here’s what would happen:

You’d smell

Unsurprisingly, a person would develop quite a funk after 365 showerless days.

Rokhsar said your stench likely would come as a result of the bacteria and dead skin accumulating on you.

After a year, he said, you’d have a build-up of skin stratum corneum, or dead skin on top of your skin. It includes a build-up of a protein our skin produces that has a funky odor to it. Bacteria also would accumulate on the skin, giving off a nasty smell when it mixes with our sweat.

Brown clumps would grow on you

Initially, said dermatologist Dr. Lauren Ploch, the skin would become oily or dry and become infected with fungus or yeast and then bacteria. The dirt on the skin could then cause warty growths.

Dr. Caroyln Jacob, director of Chicago Cosmetic Surgery and Dermatology, said the oily parts of your body would collect dirt and pollutants. This would happen most in places where your body produces the most oils, such as your underarms, behind the ears, on the neck and under a woman’s breasts.

The body’s dead skin normally rises to the surface and is flaked off through normal washing, said Jacob, a fellow of the American Academy of Dermatology. When that stops, the dead skin clumps together with your body’s oils. The clumps would grow in patches and take on a brown hue once they collect dirt and other pollutants.

You’d be at higher risk for infection

We’re taught early the first step to take when you get a cut is to wash it.

If you haven’t washed in 365 days and you suffer an abrasion, the building bacteria on your skin means you may be more likely to suffer a soft tissue infection, notes Rokhsar.

“While infection may not be a concern in the beginning, carrying a large load of bacteria on the skin can pose a problem if the skin barrier were to become compromised in some way. i.e. through a cut or scrape,” said Ploch, a member of the AAD.

Your head would itch

Dead skin would build on the scalp. We commonly call this dandruff, which causes your head to itch. But after a year, explains Rokhsar, your head would become “extremely itchy.”

If not groomed, Jacob said hair becomes heavy with oil secreted from the scalp and the collected dirt and pollutants that stick to it. It would later, Rokhsar said, look matted and knotty.

You could break out in acne or puss bumps

As bacteria builds on your skin, said Jacob, it risks inflaming hair follicles, causing pimples. Rokhsar adds something called sebum would build up on your face, causing acne or puss bumps.

Your groin area will become a big problem

Jacob warns people to watch out for the groin area. She said you’re likely to get rashes or something called intertrigo, a yeast and inflammation combination that goes from itchy and red to burning and painful.

Scum between your toes

Speaking of the groin, the fungus that will grow between your toes could easily spread to the pelvic area.

Jacob said dead skin would build up between your toes and become crusty. It could then harbor fungus, which could be transferred to your groin while putting your feet through your pants or underwear.

It could take weeks to return to normal

Turning yourself around could take time.

Rokhsar predicts it would take about a week to get back on track. However, Ploch hints it could take longer.

Some of her patients have gone months without washing a certain part of their body. It can take weeks, she said, for the skin to return to its normal state.

P.S.  – Not everyone needs to shower every day

Dr. Elaine Larson, the associate dean for research at the Columbia School or Nursing and School of Public Health, said “frankly” showering and bathing is mostly for “aesthetics.”

Showering every day, she said, is unnecessary. Every two, three or even four days is acceptable as long as you don’t stink up the place. She said, generally, the organisms naturally found on our skin protect us from picking up harmful germs.

The exception, she said, are people with fragile immune systems, such as newborns, the elderly and people suffering from cancer.

 

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